And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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