can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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