there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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