Ambien. No doubt about it.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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