i just sent this text using only my big toe
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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