I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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