Umm I'm too high to move.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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