I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
