My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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