I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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