he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize