sarcasm needs its own font
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
