to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
