Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
