I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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