Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
