So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
