Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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