Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
