i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
