11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She is in my trunk
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
