I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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