how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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