Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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