Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
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he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
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Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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