I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
