Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
