She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
