You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
