I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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