Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
