He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
