I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
