So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it's great music for shaving your balls
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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