hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Randomize
