The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
