I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
