WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
ok first of all what the fuck
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
