you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
