she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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