you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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