your thong is hanging out like whoa
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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