Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
