We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
