I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
