Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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