The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize