I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
