I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
