I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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