But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
