My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
