i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
