drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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