When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
