addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
