My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
