guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
