He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
