Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I feel great
I just peed on a car
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize