Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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