were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
