I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
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How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
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Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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