The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
