So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
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I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
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MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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