So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
