I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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