i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
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You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
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Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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