It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
