Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
