wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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