We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
