Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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