Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
