Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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